You know there is too much snow when your dogs can’t maneuver around the yard to do their business and you have to scoop paths for them to walk. It looks like a maze from the upstairs window. Maybe we could charge the neighbors to bring their dogs over and go through the maze. We could call it, “The Maze of Doo Doo.”
You know there is too much snow when you’re no longer able to find the newspaper box at the end of the driveway. I thought the local paper wasn’t coming because the delivery guy had gone “postal” or something and was dumping them in the nearest recycle bin so he didn’t have to deliver—but no. He can’t find the box to put them in. It’s buried beneath five feet of snow and ice.
You know there is too much snow when your husband has a collection of at least fifteen different types of shovels and you go with the gas blower. So what if it smokes enough to pollute the entire southern suburbs of St Paul? It’s easier on the back and takes less time away from sipping coffee and watching old episodes of La Femme Nikita. (She never has to scoop snow.)
You know there is too much snow when the neighbor uses the bumpers of his SUV to widen his driveway. Back up a little more to the left and—scraaaaape—now that’s landscaping.
You know there is too much snow when Puxatony Phil sees a shadow as big as a mountain and runs for his plush, heated cage to watch La Femme Nikita. And yes, he does have a large screen television. He’s a hundred and twenty years old. He’s got bad eyesight.
You know there is too much snow when newscasters refuse to tape their segment on the roof of the news building. Instead they bundle up in coats, scarves, hats, and gloves and pretend it’s cold standing in front of that green screen in the middle of the newsroom. I don’t blame them. This is not a good year to be a weather person. When they’re wrong, we make fun of them, and when they are right, we hate them.
You know there is too much snow when Minnesota school buses aren’t out on the roads putting lives in jeopardy, official snow days are called more than once, and children play chicken with snowplows on side streets.
In my guesstimation, there is too much snow. But that’s only an opinion. You may have a different one.