Seventh Voyage of Temperance

FALL BOOK BASH ~~~ FALL BOOK BASH ~~~ FALL BOOK BASH

The Fall Book Bash wouldn’t be complete without some steampunk fantasy. So today we have author Ichabod Temperance sharing an excerpt from his latest adventure, The Seventh Voyage of Temperance.

Sit back and enjoy the ride…

“Leapin’ lizards, Miss Plumtartt, we’ve got big trouble, really big trouble!”

“Indeed, Mr. Temperance, for unethical experiments carried out in this remote locale, somewhere south of Nippon, has left this Monstrous Isle aswarm with uncanny creatures of titanic dimensions, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, and if we ain’t careful, one extra jumbo-sized mega-reptile is going to run rampant all over our unsuspecting planet!”

“Then let us gather what comrades we may, however unlikely they be, and face this, the greatest of your challenges: Ichabod Temperance versus the Monarch of all Monsters!”

The SEVENTH VOYAGE of TEMPERANCE (excerpt)

“You guys are in big trouble! Do you know who I am? I am the idol of every teenager in the range of my voice! You guys are like some kind of broadcast pirates! You g… Did you feel that? I felt the Earth shake. There it is again: one resounding Earth tremor after another. The Earth-shaking rumbles are growing with intensity. It is as if the ground were being pummeled by an impossibly huge weight. Now I can hear the approaching tread of trepidation! Oh, why does the sound grip my heart in an icy grip of nameless dread? Aieee! You guys were right! Look over there! It is a giant super-monster!”

“Oh my goodness, Jubei, it’s ZodGila! He is here already! ToeKey-Oh will never evacuate in time! What can we do?”

“Ichsa-bod, hurry and follow me back to the dyno-cycle!”

“Yessir!”

“Remove the port side stylish, aerodynamic foil stabilizer while I disengage the starboard side.”

“Wow! I didn’t know these big, pointy, aerodynamic stabilizers pointing rearward from the dyno-cycle were removable! I just thought they looked good and made the scooter look like it was going faster! That’s pretty neat! Oh, I see, these are really a set of those air service corps devices.”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, Be sure it is strapped on as tightly as possible.”

“Yessir, Mr. Trevorgawa, sir. They sure do have a lot of straps to ensure a snug fit, don’t they, sir?”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod. Now, hurry, and follow me. We must quickly scale this broadcast tower.”

“What for, sir?”

“This will be our launching platform.”

“Launching platform? … Oh. Um, are these things difficult to operate?”

“Hai.”

“Hi! Oh, well, I guess this will be kind of like learning to swim. Paw-Paw just chucked me out in the middle of the river, and I pretty much learned how to swim quick.”

“Hai, this will be a similar experience, though it may be easier to liken it to a fledgling bird, leaving its nest.”

“Yessir, I reckon that’ll be the more appropriate analogy. Well, here we are, on the top of this high, broadcast tower that soars into the air overlooking this wide, harbour basin. Wow, this tower’s height is a lot more impressive from up here than on the ground.”

“Put on this leather helmet.”

“Yessir.”

“Now put on these goggles.”

“What for?”

“They complete the ensemble. Now, are you ready?”

“To jump off this lofty tower and hope that this crazy winged contraption operates? I reckon I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s get her accomplished!”

“Hai! Hadjame!”

“Gulp! Geronimo!”

“Quit thrashing about, Ichsa-bod, you are going to crash!”

“Woah-I’m trying, sir. Man, you weren’t kidding about these things being difficult to operate! Okay, I got my steel framework leather wings deployed in time to keep from falling to my death, so all I need to do is get them to flapping and maybe I can regain some altitude. Hey do you hear that? Oh, it’s Toshi Watusi. He has resumed his broadcast.”

~whump, bump, bump.~

~buh, duh, duh.~

~whump. bump. bump.~

~buh-duh-duh.~

~whump. bump. bump.~

~buh-duh-duh.~

~whump, bump, bump.~

~buh, duh, duh, whump.~

~wheer-rheel.~

~buh-duh-duh, whump.~

~wheer-rheel.~

~buh-duh-duh, whump.~

~wheer-rheel.~

~buh-duh-duh, whump.~

~wheer-rheel.~

“Pointed teeth,”

“ fill the grimace”

“of his terrible smile,”

“Our city is imperiled”

“by an uber-crocodile.”

~whump. bump. bump.~

“ZodGila!”

~whump, bump, bump~

~whump.~

“He picks up a ship,”

“and throws it back down,”

“His roar rips the air”

“with a terrible sound.”

~whump. bump. bump.~

“ZodGila!”

“Woah——-oah!”

“Good-bye ToeKey-Oh!”

“Crushed by ZodGila!”

“Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo!”

“It’s time for us to blow!”

“Everybody in ToeKey-Oh!”

“Flee from ZodGila!”

“Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo!”

~buh-duh-duh, whump.~

~wheer-rheel~

“History is indicative”

“again and again,”

“How nature points out”

“the silliness of Man.”

~whump. bump. bump.~

“ZodGila!”

“Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo!”

~~~Purchase> The Seventh Voyage of Temperance on Amazon

Ichabod Temperance is a silly little fellow living in picturesque Irondale, Alabama, with his lovely, gracious and kind muse, Miss Persephone Plumtartt, and their furry pack family. His uncanny Trans-temporal-universo-scriptometer allows him to publish his adventures in our timeline.