phobias

If you are married to a techie kind of guy who works on computers all day number crunching, and comes home to relax with a computer and cell phone in his lap while he watches the SciFi channel, you might understand my predicament.

My husband and I went on a short trip to visit San Antonio recently, and so my taller half did a little research on “things to do” while we were there.

Apparently, Segway tours are popular in some cities. And San Antonio is no exception.

Personally, I find the thought of riding around on one of those machines only slightly less nerdy than wearing a pocket protector and knowing all the dialogue from Lord of the Rings.

Now to be clear, I have no problem riding motorcycles, bicycles, or even going the easy route and mowing with a riding lawnmower – if we owned one – but a Segway? Standing up and looking like you’re on your way to visit Darth Vader at the other end of the Death Star?

Okay, truthfully, those things also scare me a bit. They look like a very tippy, unstable sort of machine. And if I’m going to die I’d rather not do it by being thrown off a Segway into busy traffic, and/or launched into a city runoff pond where I’ll drown in sludge. That sort of death just begs for a stand-up routine at the funeral.

I don’t want to be the butt of the jokes at my own funeral.

Yeah, she just Segwayed right into eternity!

That Segway tour vaulted her career. Now she’s swimming with the leaches.

Sadly, we did not find time to take the Segway tour. Perhaps next year…