humor

Alien Sister Contact

February 23, 2013 By Barbara 2 Comments

Have you ever gotten one of those stray text messages on your cell phone, definitely not meant for your eyes, and from someone you don’t even know? I have. More than once, in fact. I always wonder how they accidentally send me a text when they live in another state with a completely different area code. But somehow, through the magical, mystical world of cellular chaos, I receive a message meant for a stranger.

A couple days ago I got one from a woman in Virginia. She wanted to share her mammogram and ultrasound experience of the day with her sister. She just didn’t know a woman in Minnesota would innocently intercept that message, read it with a completely baffled look on her face, and go back to what she was doing with only a slight question in her mind as to whether she knew the person on the other end or not. When I received another message that said, “Oops. Wrong sister. Sorry,” I suddenly wondered if my mom had forgotten to tell me something. After all, I’d been raised with two brothers. No sisters in sight. Suddenly I was a sister, just not the right one.

This random texting is apparently better at discovering relatives than Ancestry.com. Someday when I want to delve further into my family background I might just send out some texts to far away area codes and hope for the best. Like those scientists who send signals into space hoping to contact an alien from another planet… hopefully a really nice relative alien, and not one of those slimy, killer ones like in the Sigourney Weaver movies.

Barbara

National Get the Stress Out Month!

November 11, 2012 By Barbara Leave a Comment

This month has been hectic so far. The holidays are not here yet and I’m already stressed. First of all, I’m trying to finish the 3^rd book of my Amish Bloodsuckers Trilogy while maintaining some semblance of order around my hearth and home. (Okay, I don’t really have a hearth, so it should be pretty easy with just a home, but still…)

With my self-imposed deadline looming, I find my mind wandering more than usual. Stress does that to me. The more I feel pressed and fearful that I won’t get something done in time, the more I procrastinate and daydream. Seems normal, right?

So, here I am this evening thinking about important stuff like what is happening on Revenge, cause I skipped watching it so I could write.

I also wonder why Chipotle Chedder cheese is for a limited time only but Jalapeno Jack cheese is available every day of the week. That right there proves life is not fair!

Speaking of dairy products, why do different brands of milk taste different? After all, they all come from cows! Except for Goat milk which – obviously – doesn’t.

Have you ever wondered why dog treats smell just as bad as dog food, but dogs act like they’re getting something really special? That’s like my daughter getting excited about Sponge Bob shaped macaroni and cheese. It tastes exactly the same as regular macaroni but the noodles are square instead of round. I haven’t actually eaten them, so that is total supposition.

I also wonder how we as a society can accept the wasteful use of billions of dollars for political advertisements during this last campaign when our elected officials are supposedly working to fix the economy, create jobs, feed hungry children, and save wild horses from being turned into dog treats. (Okay, I made that last one up, but you get my drift.)

So, here I am writing down my thoughts for the day instead of writing my book. I guess everyone needs a break once in a while. Now I’ve had mine, so off I go to finish that Amish Bloodsucker Trilogy. I did leave you all hanging at the end of SHUNNED…

Barbara

An Amish Bloodsucker Announcement!

October 10, 2012 By Barbara Leave a Comment

The first book in my new young adult series was released just a few days ago and I wanted to make a huge announcement so everyone would know…but Oprah informed me that she doesn’t read vampire stories, and besides, nobody watches her new channel cause it sucks. (most of that is true)

So here is my huge announcement without the endorsement of any important people other than myself:

CHOSEN (Book One)

A little taste to whet your appetite:

With tongue firmly in cheek and genuine Amish-made stakes at hand, The Amish Bloodsucker Trilogy sets off like a bat in a belfry. Jael the vampire slayer is ready to kick some serious bloodsucker butt. Seriously.

Move over Buffy – there’s a new slayer in town! Raised in the desert of Nevada, and destined for the Minnesota Loon Lake Amish Community, Jael Shetler is the Chosen One.

Trained by her uncle and father in twenty-one different forms of hand-to-hand combat – she also throws a knife with the speed of a bullet, and is accurate to within two centimeters of a cold, dead heart with her crossbow – she is a bloodsucker’s worst nightmare.

Her parents, forced to leave their plain and simple upbringing to escape the clutches of the new Bishop – an ancient and powerful vampire with plans to use the Amish Community as his own personal Jamba Juice – raise and train their daughter to continue the fight begun thousands of years earlier by another Jael, and to fulfill the prophecy in the Book of the Shunned.

Soon Jael is turning sweet sixteen and then … all hell will break loose.

Jael now has her own website! Amish Vampire Slayer

There is cover art to peruse, as well as up to date information on Jael. Leave a question on the comment page and Jael will answer it on her blog. Keep checking back for new updates and announcements of upcoming releases!

CHOSEN is available on kindle right now but in the coming days it will be made available in paperback and other formats.

Barbara