Since the beginning of time, or maybe just since I was born, the strange and unusual have drawn our attention.
Nobody stares at a plain brown package…unless it’s the largest package in the world, set on fire with a blowtorch, or delivered by a naked skydiver parachuting into a war-torn country in the middle of December. That package would be something to see.
The same goes for America’s news coverage. If it bleeds it leads has been around for some time, but now it has to bleed a whole lot more or be so bizarre that a fiction writer like myself would throw the idea out as unrealistic.
Since I’ve been taking a break from writing I’ve had more time to peruse the news, and believe me it is too unbelievable to take at face value. But in this age of doctored pictures, gossip and innuendo filling the front pages of papers, websites, and spilling out the mouths of supposedly intelligent and serious television news anchors, is it any wonder that you can’t believe what you see, hear, or read anymore? After all, a hot news story these days is a mention of the YouTube video with the highest number of views for the week.
Real reporters don’t exist. Who needs ‘em? When shock and awe are the news of the day, whether it’s true or not, really isn’t their problem. They just report it; they don’t authenticate it. Why check facts when the next day another crazy story will just replace that one and everyone’s attention will be diverted to the next bizarre thing.
I’m old enough to remember the days when the National Inquirer was considered a rag, unworthy to be called a newspaper. Now that they’ve actually been in the running for the Pulitzer – obviously another defunct and impotent prize much like the Nobel – the other papers just curled up and died. They must have fired all their Lois Lanes and replaced them with Hollywood suck-ups and has-been circus owners.
Well, I for one think a four-headed snake, a woman who had 69 children while working as a runway model, and the amount of money some Hollywood Tartlet spent on her latest wedding is definitely newsworthy, but this week’s news may even surpass all of those great stories.
Man’s dreadlocks now considered deadly weapon: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/01/man-accused-of-choking-girlfriend-with-dreadlocks/ No hammer or chainsaw in sight when you need one?
A robot that projectile vomits so you don’t have to: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/01/05/vomiting-robot-helps-researchers-understand-norovirus/ Serious scientists at work for you, measuring the distance vomit particles fly. Apparently that holding back the hair thing is just the tip of the…yuck!
Who needs to break the law? Get your own ankle bracelet here: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/technology/2013/01/ces-2013-fitbit-flex-and-withings-tracker-compete-to-be-your-wearable-fitness-gadget/ Now you too can feel like you’re being stalked.
How Suri spent Christmas: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/12/how-suri-cruise-spent-christmas/ A lovely, heartfelt story about a poor little orphan child raised by wolves…or movie stars.
Pervert White House dad & husband named Father of the year! http://www.politico.com/blogs/click/2013/01/bill-clinton-named-father-of-the-year-153760.html This latest Clinton fantasy will no doubt find its way into our children’s schoolbooks. They sure couldn’t put in the true facts about the man, could they?
Maybe teachers could just start redefining again, “Define this phrase of the day, kids: inappropriate conduct unbefitting a president.” Answer: Father of the Year!
If you can read these stories with a straight face, you are definitely in the running for best actor in a motion picture world.