I got my cards and Christmas letters out this year with days to spare. My daughter and I have baked dozens of bars and treats. Some for the neighbors, but most to take on our pilgrimage to the holy land of Nebraska. They don’t have treats there, just corn, Big Red football fans, and my family. So now I have time to blog and tell you all about the magic of Christmas.
You know those little miracles that occur at this time of year, like the sudden sprinkling of snow at the end of every holiday Lifetime movie even though it’s set in Los Angeles? Like that—only better.
Just today there was a little Christmas miracle when fumble-fingers Katie dropped a plate and it bounced off her arm, leg, and toes to safely land on my ceramic tile without shattering into a million little pieces. Yesterday I used a hundred dollar gift card at JC Penney and miraculously came out just under the set limit when they totaled my purchases at the register. Then when I went to deliver cookies to the neighbors across the way, their dog was not loose to rip out my jugular, but was safely locked inside the house. I heard wham, wham, wham, as it flogged itself at the door, trying to get at me with razor sharp teeth. No human was home, only the rabid animal, so I gratefully left the container on the front porch and made my escape.
These sorts of things don’t just happen. Everyone knows this is a magical time of year. How else could a fat man in a bright red suit, trimmed in white fur, scoot down a few billion chimneys and not get a speck of soot on his outfit? Or what about icicles? Icicles are completely free of the law of physics. They fall off only when no one is under them. Have you ever heard of a rash of icicle accidents involving head trauma and ambulances? No. Otherwise the government would have already pushed for walking around your house helmets. You can never be too safe.
The only thing that doesn’t seem to fall under “Christmas miracles” is the weather. The weather is unpredictable. Last year weather happened right when we were going to leave for the holy land and now they’re saying weather might happen again on the day we want to leave. I’m talking WEATHER in all caps. Shaken snow-globe blizzard conditions that never stop, blowing across the plains of Iowa and into Nebraska with blinding ferocity and the biting sting of freezer burn.
So, keep your Christmas snowfall miracle in Los Angeles! We don’t want anymore. We’ve had enough already. I’m looking for the Christmas miracle of tropical sunshine that melts deadly icicles. Just once…
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