This month has been one of the coldest I can remember. Probably because this type of memory is instantly erased from my brain’s hard drive in order to make room for more important things—like the names of my favorite authors, remembering to take my one-a-day vitamin, or how to use the toaster oven.
We’ve had more than our share of snow in Minnesota, but apparently even Florida is having bad weather days. Once again, freezing temps may have ruined their Orange crop. Which of course causes a chain of events that will roll on and on until we’re all doomed. The trees freeze and there are no oranges. No oranges means no juice. No juice means everyone in America will have colds and flu. More sickness means more trips to the doctor. Trips to the doctor means our health insurance goes up. Higher rates means more people drop their coverage because they can’t afford it. More uninsured families means government has a bigger base of hopelessness to worm their way into our lives. Obamacare means less chance of living through an illness. Dying early means the Democrats could end up being right. Maybe this health-care plan really will run in the black someday. (Which makes me wonder if global freezing is a government conspiracy.)
On the other hand, government wants to take all the tastiness out of our prepackaged foods. They’ve already forced companies to cut way back on sugar content. Can you even imagine what Sugar-frosted Flakes tastes like without sugar? And will they have to change the name to Just Plain Flakes? I doubt Tony the Tiger will be able to say, “They’re grrrreat!” with a straight face.
Now they are “urging” companies to cut back on salt in their foods. I’m sure it’s for our own good. Government is only trying to protect us from ourselves. When we buy a bag of greasy, salty, potato chips, we don’t realize how unhealthy they are. Someone has to control what we eat or we’ll kill ourselves. Although, I believe dying from too much salt might be preferable to choking to death on a rice cake.
The government also has studies to determine whether characters in children’s movies act “safe” enough. Are they wearing seatbelts in every car scene? Are they sporting bright, pointy helmets when riding bikes? Are they properly using crosswalks, or walking against the light? These are ways the government protects us. Heaven forbid if a cartoon character rides a skateboard without kneepads! What kind of an example would that be to our children?
Those pesky, little, government, hall monitors want to control everything we do. They think it’s up to them whether we live or die. I always thought God was in charge of that. Twenty-five years ago we weren’t watched over by the government nearly as well. No one told us to buckle up or wear a helmet, or cut down on fatty McDonald’s Happy Meals. I think we actually had to make those kinds of decisions for ourselves.
Well, since I began writing this, I believe Global Warming has picked up again. The temps are way up in the 20’s this afternoon. We may not have to worry about an Orange Juice shortage after all. But just to be on the safe side, I think I’ll buy a few more cans.