Mid-life is so much more than adult acne, sagging skin, and wily chin hairs. It can also come with a rotating set of aches and pains. Now to be truthful, I’ve led a very healthy life so far and don’t have much to complain about. But being human and somewhat of a pessimist…
I recently decided to have foot surgery. Not just because I wanted something to complain about, mind you. I’ve been putting it off for a few years but the pain was accelerating. The doctor informed me that I had a hammer toe. Which brings a very odd image to mind. Thankfully, my toe did not actually look like a hammer, but at times it did feel like it was being hit with a hammer. A sledgehammer.
Wearing a protective boot for six weeks post surgery is probably the worst thing you can do for your body. Sure it keeps your foot from getting bumped or injured while it heals but it also causes all of the muscle in your leg to become one with gravity. Not only do I have to wear a push up bra, but now I need compression jeans to keep my calf off the ground.
For the first two weeks I wasn’t supposed to put any weight on my foot at all. I was given the boot to wear 24/7 and a pair of crutches. So as you can imagine, doing normal, routine things easily became complicated tasks.
Showering, for example, without touching one foot to the ground, is not only dangerously slippery, aggravating, and tiring, but entirely unsatisfying. I couldn’t stand with my eyes closed under the relaxing spray of hot water for ten minutes, as I normally would, because I would fall over in ten seconds. I definitely needed help.
When my husband offered his services, my imagination immediately flashed to those sexy, steamy, shower scenes in the movies when a handsome man (possibly with a voice like Chris Hemsworth’s Thor) asks the girl in the shower, “need any help in there?” Sadly, my husband’s offer of help was to tape a bag over my foot, prop me up on a metal stool and hand me my crutches and a towel when I was done. So… not the same.
Life is full of experiences and writers need to experience all sorts of things to glean fodder for their stories. Suffice it to say, this experience was not one I recommend. As a writer, all of this sitting around should have been a boon, right? Wrong. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t sit at my desk for ten minutes. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t do anything but prop my foot up on an icepack in front of the television and catch up on every episode of my top 20 favorite Netflix shows while eating ice cream and popping bon bons. Don’t even get me started on weight gain. How a surgical procedure on one small toe can turn into an entire body fail is beyond me!
Some boots are made for walking. This boot was not. Unless you are looking for a boot that insures you walk as gracefully as Frankenstein’s monster, with a temperament to match.
Boot Wearing Blues
Pick up your calf
You can’t walk around here
The muscle is gone
Your energy’s sapped
You might as well lay down
And take a nap
My toe is swollen
My will is broken
My writing’s on hold
And this icepack is cold
A boot made for pain
Is fashionably lame
Doubles as a fanny pack
holds your cellphone and a snack
As far as comfort goes
5 stars for open toes
plastic shin guards, velcro straps
It’s been a hoot
But I’m givin’ back the boot
Thanks for stopping! Please leave a comment and share ! Happy Spring!