It’s May Day again, and the protesters are supposed to be out in force in all the big cities across the country. Remember simpler times when May Day meant leaving a basket of fresh, beautiful flowers on someone’s doorstep? Well, flowers are now outrageously priced, so maybe that has something to do with the shift in celebration–but protesting immigration laws? Really? How May Day is that? Not beautiful at all. Just noisy and boisterous, probably unruly and definitely ridiculous.
What if we had a day to celebrate criminals that break into cars and steal stereos? Protesters could smash car windows everywhere, screaming that the law was unfair to keep them from such things, and enforcing jail time for such lawless, sticky-fingered stereo bandits was totally unpatriotic.
Personally, I’d like to give something back on this happy May Day. I think we should have an even-steven exchange. For every illegal person crossing the border and taking up residence in our country, we should send back over the border one of our presently incarcerated citizens. That way the money we pay to feed, clothe, buy workout equipment, and big screen TVs for each prison inmate should about cover the non-citizen’s free healthcare, welfare, internet hookup, and Welcome to America care package. I’ve heard that they’ve already got so many criminals across the border they’ll never notice a few million more anyway.
But I’m pretty sure it will never happen. Cause no one takes my ideas seriously.