Genghis Khan’s Long-lost Cousin Found

Scientists have recently reported their find of a Greenlander. (For those who don’t know, a Greenlander is someone living in Greenland. Not to be confused with Greenpeacers who want to eliminate humans so the earth will be vibrant and green.)

Apparently, the science world has been holding out on us for a few years. Inuk (the name they gave him) was found a while back, but they put him in a Ziplock back and saved him until their technology was up to par. It was unclear in the first article I read if they had the whole body or just four hairs—after all, they stored him in a plastic bag—cause the article said they sequenced four frozen hairs and found that this four-thousand-year-old (man/hairball) had the gene for early hair loss. Now if they just had hairs, I think time was totally wasted with that experiment. Duh! “There’s no man with this hair—he must have fell off.” But even if they had the whole guy frozen in a block of ice…this is what they worry about…that he had male pattern baldness genes?! Wow! I wonder if the people who donate to scientific research are aware of what they are getting for their money. “Thanks for the million dollar donation, Sir. Now we know for certainty that male pattern baldness existed before the dinosaurs.”

Today there was an updated article that gave much better detail. Thank goodness! I was getting worried about the importance some people place on Human Genome research from long dead civilizations and how they make up whole scenarios for their lives, like: where they went to school, how they were vegetarians and not carnivores, why the hairs in their noses were abnormally long, etc. Especially when they don’t really have a body or anything. But I will rest at ease tonight because today’s article clarified the details of the actual find.

Four tufts of hair and a few bone fragments.

The article referred to the find as “scraps.” From these scraps they were able to determine he was from Siberia, had dark hair and eyes, liked chocolate but preferred vanilla, wanted to have that house with the picket fence when he got married, but thought he’d wander the earth for a while and find himself first. Oh yeah–and he was going bald.

Science—it’s amazing!