• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to footer

Barbara Ellen Brink

Barbara's Thin Line Between Truth & Fiction

  • Home
  • Bookstore
  • Blog
  • About Barbara
  • Contact
  • Bookstore
  • Mystery
  • Suspense
  • Christian Fiction
  • Young Adult

Celebration With A Giant Vice

January 16, 2012 By Barbara 2 Comments

Most of you think of today as Martin Luther King Day, but for me it’s Mammogram Day. Or if you want the literal title, Stick Your Boobs in a Giant Vice and Tighten Down Day. 
Either way, it was a relief when it was over and they released me from my bondage. I was able to pull my string-tied wraparound shirt shut and meander back to my curtain-covered dressing room, pull up the objects of my husband’s affection from the floor and plop them comfortably back into my sexy Victoria Secret underwire bra where they could rest in peace. That heavy-duty wire does all the work for you these days. It’s amazing.
When I was younger and didn’t need underwire to hold things up and in place, life was good and Victoria Secret didn’t exist, which made life even better. I was comfortable watching underwear commercials back then. Now I feel like I’ve fallen into a brothel whenever one comes on.
Anyway…The good news about mammograms is that their machines are now much more “comfortable” than they used to be. At least that’s what the technician informed me of before shoving me up against the thing, pulling my breast out to an abnormal length, cranking the vice down on it until it was flat and smooth as a Cracker Barrel pancake, and then tightening the screws a bit more just for safe keeping. Honestly, if I were young again, that whole procedure would not even be possible. But with fifty years of gravity on my side, it did seem more “comfortable” than in years past.
So happy Mammogram day or SYBGVTDD day! Go out and get yours too. It’s an experience not to be missed.

Email, RSS Follow
Pin It

Filed Under: humor, Mammogram, underwire, vice, Victoria Secret

The Double Barrel Lineup

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Brink Girl says

    January 16, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    sounds super fun!

    Reply
  2. Sibella Giorello says

    January 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    You are hilarious!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Footer

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

A reader favorite!

Split Sense

Split Sense

When a senator and pharmaceutical giant partner to experiment with a new drug on pregnant women, they tap into a world they never knew existed – the supernatural touching the natural – and it will cost the innocent more than they know. Grace Awards Winner!

More info →
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Kobo
Buy from Apple Books
Buy from Barnes and Noble Nook
Buy from Google Play
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Amazon
Split Sense
Buy now!

Copyright © 2022 · Barbara Ellen Brink All Rights Reserved