Beholding Beauty

America is obsessed with image. Beautiful women adorn covers of magazines, posters, and billboards. There are little girl beauty pageants (which is kind of creepy), junior pageants, and Miss USA pageants. There is a Mrs. America pageant—and probably in San Fransisco—a Mr. Cross-dresser pageant.
Movies and television constantly feed us their version of beauty. We are inundated with a concept of perfection that no one can ever really attain. Because even models and actors never think they’re quite perfect enough. Plastic surgery, tummy tucks, Botox, breast enlargements and lip plumping is the name of the game—especially if you want to be in the running for the sexiest woman of the year award.
But what if you no longer had to compete with other women? Wouldn’t that be a relief? You could release the breath of air that’s been holding your stomach in for so long, take off those four-inch heels that cause carpel tunnel in your ankles and wear a pair of comfy flats that brings your height down to the eye level of a toddler. You could choose to use mascara only if you’re going to attend a wedding, and refuse to purchase a pair of pantyhose unless you plan to rob a bank.
In Dubai, women don’t need to worry about beauty pageants. They don’t have to worry about putting on makeup or wearing stylish clothes. They don’t have to worry if they have a big old wart on the end of their nose. Who’s going to know? After all, they have those amazing black robes on from head to foot, that cover up any and all flaws, and leave literally everything to the imagination.
I’ve always thought Jacob’s choice of Rachel instead of Leah, in the Bible, was odd, because apparently he’d never seen either of their faces before. How else could he get married to one and think he was being married to the other? Those abaya robes are great equilizors.
But without women to look at and admire, the men in Dubai have come up with a solution. Gulf Arabs from across the region gather for the biggest beauty pageant of all. The most beautiful camel in the world! Yes, they parade their golden-colored animals, adorned with sparkling jewelry, in a pageant that decides the prettiest camel.
These sexy camels are judged very similarly to women in a Miss America Beauty Pageant (or scholarship program). Based on the length of their neck, the curve of their bumps, height and good looks, and of course, whether they are of pure lineage.
Afterward, the best and most beautiful are sold for millions of dollars. Perhaps they end up as the spokescamel for Camel dung Industries or get a spread in Vanity Camel Magazine. All I know is, the tribesmen who brought them in must really be tired of looking at their wives in those robes if camels fascinate them.
I’ve always thought that camels are stinky, ugly, spitting creatures. In this case, beauty is very definitely in the eye of the beholder. May the curviest bumps win!

Follow