Ever since kindergarten, there have been those individuals who just have to be first in line. You remember the kids that pushed in front of you when the teacher wasn’t looking, or their friends let them cut in line in front of you with the silly excuse of “saving a place.” Like that’s fair. Those were the kids you wanted to smack, but didn’t, cause of course your mother taught you manners. Apparently, they didn’t have mothers.
Those line-cutters are the same individuals–now grown up but still without manners–that American Airlines is counting on today. The airline has come up with another totally unnecessary fee for a totally worthless perk and want line-cutters the world over to pay for it. They call it, Express Seats. I say, good for them! It’s about time line-cutters had to pay.
Express Seats guarantees pushy people get to board the plane in the first bunch of cheap seat people and sit in the front row of the cheap seats for only an extra twenty bucks. Of course, last week they could sit in the front row of the cheap seats without an extra fee of twenty bucks. But they won’t think of it that way. They’ll think of it as being first–cutting in line ahead of all the other people in the cheap seats. Getting to sit in those luxuriously, comfy cubbyholes for an extra hour or so as everyone else slowly boards, bumps them as they pass in the aisle, whacks their heads with overhead luggage, and stares at them with open jealousy will be worth the cost. At least to a serial line-cutter. Okay, maybe the first class people will still get to get off before them. And the business class people. And the people with small children. But…they’re probably next.
Express Seats will endear American Airlines to their passengers nearly as much as when they began charging to bring luggage. Who needs luggage on a vacation anyway? There’s a Walmart in every town in America. Pick up a package of Fruit of the Looms and a toothbrush when you get to your destination, and you’re all set. The luggage fee has just made everyone realize what’s truly necessary and what is not. I’m actually looking forward to the day they start charging extra to bring children under eighteen. Flights will be so much quieter.