Another ad that keeps popping up on my sidebar is “What Would Magnum Do?” How the ninjas know that I still have a thing for Magnum is beyond me, but confusing him with Jesus is slightly bizarre. This company sells t-shirts and stuff out of Detroit, which sounds fishy in and of itself. I’ve heard Detroit is a ghost town and on the edge of complete annihilation, but here is this thriving t-shirt business trying to hock Magnum P.I’s image on Facebook to a lonely, tired, overweight, starving writer. How cruel is that?
The sidebar ads on Facebook are very revealing about who we are as individuals. Apparently, the little ninjas who live in the Facebook website are constantly deciphering our private info and comments, and figuring out what we should be interested in at our age, what our likes and dislikes are, and whether or not we need weight-loss help.
Yes, the one ad that keeps popping up on my screen would be a new diet plan. How do they know I continue to struggle with this last ten pounds? Do they have a two-way mirror built into the site? The diet ad that I clicked on the other day certainly was going where no woman has gone before. It didn’t say I would lose weight by sleeping, eating what I like, or taking pills. It actually said healthy foods like Sweet potatoes, Millet, Avocados, nuts, and Quinoa were something I should get into. I don’t even know what Millet and Quinoa are! So that diets a bust. If she’d said I had to wear Ostrich feathers and soak in a bath of soybean oil, I wouldn’t have been any less willing to try her ideas.
What’s doubly strange is that the next ad I see is usually for food products. I’m pretty sure those delicious cupcakes in the full color photograph are not made with Millet or Quinoa. Obviously those ninjas are slightly sadistic.
Then there are “Sleep Aid” ads. Are all women my age having sleeping problems or do the ninjas somehow sneak out of the computer and watch me during the night? That could account for strange sounds I sometimes hear coming from my office across the hall. Which also could be why I can’t sleep!
The ads for writers are obvious. The ninjas have read my bio. They know I have a novel and that I’m constantly looking for new ways to advertise and publish. Except their ads are usually for some quack place that says they can turn me into a best-selling author overnight. Sort of like those art ads they used to have in the back of the TV Guide. Draw this skunk and we’ll tell you if you have talent.