A story in the News of the Weird caught my eye yesterday and I wanted to share it with those of you who may have missed it. A twenty-six year old “boy/man” in Pennsylvania called the police and reported his mommy for cleaning his bathroom with his toothbrush.
There are so many things wrong with this scenario. Nothing you can get arrested for—but definitely wrong. Here is my take on what actually happened. I had to read between the lines cause the article was just so short of details.
The 26 yr old male victim was living with his mother, in her house, because his plan to find something he really loved doing, that would make him happy for the rest of his life, like Air Guitar Master or Wisconsin Cheese Tester, hadn’t panned out, and he was taking some time off from looking for a regular job because he was stressed about his broken dreams.
He lived in his mommy’s house but thought maid service was supposed to be included in the free room and board package deal. When that didn’t happen, he searched for a Self Cleaning bathroom button, but was unable to locate one.
After months of living with the smell of an outhouse inside her home, the woman finally caved in and cleaned the bathroom for her lazy butt son. Because he was costing her so much in groceries and electricity, she couldn’t afford new sponges and used what lay within reach.
The victim called 911 to report his mother for maliciously cleaning his bathroom with the toothbrush she’d supplied him with when he moved in. He was certain she was trying to kill him with feces from the now sparkling clean toilet bowl. (He lived daily in his own filth but was worried about germs??)
Two police officers were dispatched to the domestic disturbance, tasers at the ready. They entered the bathroom to inspect the alleged intended to commit murder weapon. A worn and frazzled toothbrush hung from the holder, reflected in the now spotless mirror.
The victim pointed, his eyes wild with fear. “See! See! She got poo poo on my toothbrush! She’s trying to kill me.”
One officer held a video camera, recording everything for the next episode of COPS.
The mother chimed in. “There’s no poo on that brush. I cleaned it with Ajax with bleach. Besides, if I was trying to kill you, you’d already be dead.”
“Ma’am, just the facts. Did you or didn’t you try to kill your son?” the officer asked.
“I did not. The only thing I killed was the deadly bacteria growing in here.”
“She still ruined my toothbrush. What am I going to do about that?” the victim whined.
“Maybe you should just go out and buy yourself another toothbrush at the dollar store, you cheap, lazy butt kid!” the officer bit out, his taser button finger itching to press down.
The officers finally packed up their camera and tasers and headed out.
The mother picked up the toothbrush, dipped it in the toilet bowl, and handed it to her son. “There. Now it’s clean.”
“I can’t live like this anymore. I’m moving to Dad’s house!” he yelled and stalked off his room.
His mother smiled and walked upstairs to celebrate with the chocolate Dove bar she’d hidden in the Bran Flakes box.
News of the weird or news of the average family in America? You decide.